Thoughts on the Grammys:

1. Beyonce hurt my feelings. I love her. So it hurts. Bad. I was just praying Alanis Morrissette was going to pop out and it was just a segway. Nope.

2. Oh dear Taylor Swift, not your best dear. Um. Stevie Nicks is beside you honey.

3. Green Day? American Idiot? Yes please.

4. Carrie Underwood is my favorite Idol. And I HATE current country music.

5. Fergie, I like you. I don't care what they say. BEP's you make our future bright.

6. Mary J and Andrea Bocelli saved it for me. I liked it. Get off me.

7. Ricky Martin. Get. Off. The. Stage. I don't care if you are just presenting.

8. Beyonce is wearing all the coke tabs that I saved for my first grade class room a few years back. Is that the good cause we were saving them for? I can't remember.

9. Why do Michael Jackson videos always include killer whales (or "ORCAS MOMMY!" as my child insists)?

10. Did anyone notice Lady Wawa had something on her face? What a creative gal. It wasn't her poker face either.

11. Taylor Swift trying to rap along w/ M&M and messing up made me giggle. Don't worry girl, we don't know what they were saying either.

It's About to Get Honest

For those of you are perfect parents and have it all figured out, you probably should move on to another blog right about now. If you are judgmental, please google another site. I'm getting ready to be honest. Hang tight.

Yesterday was the worst parenting day for me EVER. Now, before you say, "Did you spend quality time with them?"... let me tell you that we painted, glued, threw ball, and went on a bike ride. Sooo...yes. I spent quality time with them.

Getting Marley to actually listen and obey was not happening. It didn't matter what we did she was NOT having it. "Mom, I wanna go inside!"

"Mom, I'm not going to help clean up!"

"Mom, I don't want to eat this!"

AHHHHHH!!!

Farrah would NOT be put down. When I put her down she screamed her head off. For HOURS.

(Btw- I stand by my statement that babies screaming should be used as a torture tactic for terrorists.)

Now, I know this doesn't sound like a terrible day to you. Fine. However, I have been stuck in this house for two weeks with very sick kids. I've been doing mom stuff like getting thrown up on, cleaning up diarrhea, taking temps in the behind, etc. Ya know, fun stuff. So, my patience was non existent at this point.

Please hear me. I LOVE MY KIDS!

I know that this is normal mom stuff and I'm fine with that.

The breaking point was when my three year old started bringing out the sass and doing things she KNEW she would get in trouble for and look at me like, "Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?".

I've entertained them until I have no creativity left. I beat myself up all the time about not being like other moms. My dream is to wake up before the children. Then, spend and hour in God's word undisturbed, shower, and be completely dressed before anyone. I want to have my day planned out w/ play dates and cute craft ideas all based on a theme for the week because that's what "good" moms do right?

When I get out toys for them to have play alone time they ignore my efforts. Both stand at my feet crying while I attempt to wash dishes or do other much needed chores.

All this to say, I LOST IT YESTERDAY!

I let them know it.

It went something like this (all in a very nasty tone),

"It seems you don't care what I ask you to do! You don't care. You continue to ignore me. I'm tired of trying to help you! YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY! You have hurt mommy's feelings so bad and I'm sick of it!"

I sat there and cried and screamed in front of my kids.

"God, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of being a mom. I HATE this moment in my life."

I know, the perfect moms just gasped and can't believe the student pastor's wife said this.

Seriously. I felt at that moment like I could have walked out of this house and called a few weeks later from Tahiti to let everyone know where I was, and that I couldn't be sure if I were coming back. At that moment I didn't like my kids, myself, this life, or God.

Yes. I just typed that.

Before kids, I never knew such ugliness could lie inside of me!;)

Guess what Marley did while I was "letting her have it"?

Nope. She didn't hug me and say, "It's alright mommy".

She took her plastic bracelet and shoved it my face over and over, and then proceeded to hit me in the head with it.

Where have I gone wrong?

Brent and I spend so much time playing with theses little ones. We read, laugh, walk together, eat together, share and teach about our Savior.

(we discipline as well btw:)

My mom called. I just sobbed. "Mom, I can't do this anymore. She is being sooo hateful. They won't play. They just stand there and scream at me. Please mom, tell me you wanted to smack me silly as a kid."

My mom responds, "Oh. I never knew such vile things could come out of a three year old's mouth until I had you. Amanda, you would shove your finger in my face and tell me you were gonna do whatever you wanted to and you didn't care what I said".

She proceeded to tell me that she spanked the crap out of me.

Funny. I NEVER remember my mom talking ugly or spanking me. Ever.

She swears she did on multiple occasions.

My mom is my best friend, second to the sweet man laying over there taking a nap on the couch:).

Nap time came. Thank you Lord! It allowed me to clear my head/ heart and to read. Here is what God gave me.

Proverbs 10:19-21

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.

PS-I WILL not be calling from Tahiti:). I love them too much. I love my husband too much. I worship and serve an amazing God whom I know doesn't give up on me.

Last night we all went for a walk together in the snow. It was beautiful. The good times out weigh the bad by far. Marley told her dad that he would not be putting her to bed. She only wanted me.

I had apologized after all;).

I want my words to be nourishment for my children.

God knows I will fail time and time again.

My prayer is to simply admit when I am wrong and stay in His word,

there I will find wisdom.

Farrah reading to sis while she was sick (look at the snot coming out of FB's nose:)

While I was tending to Farrah Marley stole my camera. We found various pictures of her and her toys.

Farrah loves her "hat". Oooh... I wanna kiss those cheeks.

I think I will.

Missin' Being Chubby

I'm not skinny. Oh boy. I'm not skinny. However,

my mindset and behavior have started leaning towards that of

a skinnier broad. Blah. I've realized how much I rely on

food when I'm stressed, tired, or happy. Yes, I said it. I'm an

emotional eater. Food makes me smile.

Sad. True.

God should be the one I go to first instead of the refrigerator.

I've lost ALMOST lost 10 lbs.

It's not that noticeable, but it's going.

Slowly.

It took 4 years for me to gain it. My doctor said it will take about a year for me to loose it all because of having kids and being...oh gosh...gulp....30.

I will get through it with your encouragement, God's help, and

Weight watchers latte frozen pops:).

ONE POINT PEOPLE.

How to help Haiti

I have been to the Dominican and have seen barely clothed Haitians rummage for anything to satisfy their hunger. One image I will never forget is a little girl standing on top of a trash pile. Flies were swarming around her face and she reached beside an animal carcass to pull up a filthy old orange. It satisfied her hunger for the moment and she began to rummage again.

We have seen sheets of metal propped up as houses, sugar cane fields used for work and restrooms.

Haitians are what we would call the lowliest of low. You hear about poverty in Africa because of Hollywood's spotlight on them, but we rarely hear about Haiti. Yesterday changed that. A 7.0 earthquake on top of extreme poverty is something that we could never imagine. During 9-11 we saw a quick response and the people responding were well equipped to help those in need. I couldn't help but notice that in the pictures of the deceased Haitians not one of them were wearing shoes. As Christ followers we have an opportunity to step up and put our money where our mouth is, and if you "don't have money" you can offer time and prayers. Here are a few ways we can help......

• Text "Haiti" to "90999" to donate $10 to the Red Cross -- The US State Department very quickly put together this number to channel relief contributions directly to first responders who will be on the ground there. {The $10 will show up as a charge on your next cell phone bill.
• Text “Disaster” to 90999 to give $10 to Compassion International’s Disaster Relief Program -- They will be working directly with the local churches who knew where these families live and will be providing immediate relief to them. {This will show up on your next cell phone bill as well.}

• If you give, go over to Kelly’s Korner and leave a comment on this post. She and her husband are donating $1 for every comment that is left.

• Head over to the Tasty Kitchen blog and enter a giveaway that is, in turn, giving to Haiti earthquake recovery efforts. The Pioneer Woman and her family are donating 10 cents for every entry. That may not seem like much but given that she usually receives over 12,000 entries per contest, it could really add up.

Multitude Mondays!

60. Gas Drops for infants

59. Friends dropping by

58. Blue whales ...the Metcalf gals are obsessed with you tube videos of sea animals. I know weird:).

57. Micro fiber couches

56. Friends and family that help me juggle my children and all that entails when I'm by myself

55. Beautifully illustrated children's books

54. 7 up and Saltine crackers

53. laughter on treadmills ...... NEW BODY 2010! (hand clinched in a fist raised above the head)

52. Pacifiers ( I would like hear an AMEN! on this one)

51. Puffy Old Navy coats

52. Lives changed and visions sparked at Passion 2010

The Oldest

Marley Ruth could not be anymore like me. She's loud, sings random made up songs to the top of her lungs, people energize her, she has no problem talking, and anything that sparkles catches her eye.

She drives me completely up the wall. I drive my self up the wall. There are times where she just wears me out. I wear myself out.

On the flip side, I see so much potential in her. Unlike me, she is sharp. She is emotional and passionate about people.

Marley pays attention;).

I have learned so much from her.

My prayer is that I won't stifle her little personality, but encourage and find ways to spend special time with her. This means I have to learn to accept how God has made me.

God loves me at my worst. I want to love the things about Marley that drive me completely insane. The things that drive me crazy aren't "bad". In fact, when she is getting on my nerves it's usually because my heart isn't focused on Christ and in a constant state of thanksgiving. Tonight reminded me that even though she is three, her heart is developing. I have the amazing privilege to pray for her and parent her. God has given her to us for this short time.

Our friend Lauren is going to Asia for several months, and taking off a semester at UNC. Marley asked me tonight, "Why is Lauren going away?" I told her it was to share the wonderful news of Christ with those who haven't heard. She replied, "I want to do that when I'm bigger".

That is my prayer.

May Christ be her love and that she knows He made us in His image.

She belongs to Him and she is simply beautiful.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness. Come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100

It's Multitude Monday!

Time to give thanks for the multitude of blessings from our Father!

50. My country dad

49. Mom's silly laugh

48. Brent's voice over the phone

47. Weight Watchers frozen latte pops

46. A five minute drive to the gym

45. The joyful singing of oldest

44. Baby snickers

43. A debt free church

42. Church staff that are truly family, not just co-workers

41. Lauren's chocolate cheese cake (one reason I am now on WW;)

Well, It's a New Year

There has only been one year in my life that I have made a new year's resolution. It was in 2005. As I type, I'M FREAKING OUT! That was FIVE YEARS AGO. I made the decision to start Weight Watchers. Brent and I knew we wanted to have a baby, and I didn't want to gain baby weight on top of what I already weighed. HAHAHA! I can't believe I thought like that. What happened?:)

I ended up loosing around 45 pounds. For seven months of my life, I could fit into anything I wanted. I wasn't limited to certain styles in efforts to hide parts of me that I was ashamed of. In September of that year I found out that I was pregnant with Marley Ruth. We were so happy. So happy that I ate my self silly....or I should say... chubby. After all, I WAS eating for two right? Two babies, five years, and an obscene amount of pounds later I am back. Here. Doing Weight Watchers. I'm hungry already:).

My New Year Resolutions are as follows:

1. Stop being chunky

2. Go to the gym bc I can't get out of my membership:)

3. To do what the Fly Lady tells me

4. Lighten up and play with my kids more

5. Use my creativity as income for my children (ya know, to be all Proverbs 31 and a bag of chips... Baked Lays in my case).

6. To make sure I check my Bible more than Facebook

7. Be sweet to my husband;)

8. To realize that I will fail in my own efforts to accomplish all of these resolutions. In Christ each day is new. I pray that I listen to His Spirit each day and am guided by Him.

This lady is in need of daily guidance. Aren't we all?